Luna Lupus: Diary #3

terça-feira, 23 de fevereiro de 2016

Diary #3

Dear diary,

My weekend went amazing. Since Friday to yesterday, Sunday. I had no problems with my ex, actually, she went really nice to me. We did video call on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. At Saturday she called me princess and she put a heart on her goodnight message. She woke me up at Sunday with a phone call, with the purpose to talk to me, we exchanged photos to each other and for 3 days we never discuss...
But today, Monday, things turned bad again... and I'm feeling a huge fool because I feel I deceive myself again!
I'm really tired... She told me that I'm a really bad person, that I'm disgusting and that no one will ever love me... well, actually, I don't want to be loved or to love someone again... no, I'm done! I'm sick of loving and being hurt... I'm sick of people and I can't trust in nobody... And you must be thinking that I'm crazy to doesn't want to start dating again someday but believe me, I can't do it... Well, maybe she's right and I'm a really bad girlfriend... I will never feeling so secure of myself again to do this... It all happened because I told to her that I would make a school work with someone in my class who I don't speak...
She has no idea how much important it was for me reading her to call me princess, knowing that she put a heart on her message, how I felt so happy as I didn't felt for a while when she called to my phone to wake me up... It was that little things that put a smile on my face, even she's not knowing... Just please tell me, how can the person who put a smile on your face be the same that makes you feel lost...?
I'm trying to handle, to grab me on this life... I had a car accident some months ago, and I learned that we should never be mad with the ones we love, because we don't know when our time is arriving, and the worst feeling ever, is loosing someone knowing that the last time you talked to her, you were mad at her...

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